Perfect
by Moonlight and Music
Summary: Ed's feelings regarding his dad


Sadly I do not own the rights to the song or FMA -sighs-

And thanks to FlOofymikO for beta reading this!!

oOo

_Hey dad look at me_

_Think back and talk to me_

_Did I grow up according to plan?_

_And do you think I'm wasting my time_

_Doing things I wanna do?_

_But it hurts when you disapprove all along_

Ed stared at his dad, hating him for what he did. It was his fault mom had died...his fault Al and him were like this. Then his dad had the nerve to tell them they were wasting their time! But there was a fact Ed would take to his grave. It hurt knowing his did didn't approve of all that he did. Ed sighed angrily. "Well, excuse me for raising myself! You were never around and you expect me to be perfect! Well, guess what: It doesn't work that way, dad. Did you ever think of what your leaving did to Al, to me, to mom? You are no dad. You may be my father, but you are not my dad."

"Edward…"

"Don't talk to me. Just leave. That seems to be the only thing you're good at!"

_And now I try hard to make it _

_I just want to make you proud _

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you _

_I can't pretend that I'm all right _

_And you can't change me _

His dad didn't know anything about the choices he had to make. How hard he and Al had to fight just to live. On a good day they only had about eight people after them. On a bad day...you didn't want to know. Nothing Ed did, or could ever do would earn his dad's approval. Ed decided he wouldn't pretend to be ok with it, and he wouldn't change.

"Edward, what were you and your brother thinking!"

"Easy. We wanted our only parent we had left. To me you were nothing but some faded memories and to Al just a picture of a man who was never there."

_'Cuz we lost it all _

_Nothing lasts forever _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

_Now it's just too late and _

_We can't go back _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

_I try not to think _

_About the pain I feel inside _

_Did you know you used to be my hero? _

_All the days you spent with me _

_Now seem so far away _

_And it feels like you don't care anymore_

Ed thought back to a time when his dad was reliable, when he was home. Ed used to...dare he say it...look up to _that man_. They would spend time together, but that was a long time ago. Now, neither of them really cared anymore.

"Edward, would you like to show…."

"Cut the crap, old man. You and I both know you don't mean that. So just leave. I don't care, and the longer you stay the more you will hurt Al when you leave again. So just leave."

_And now I try hard to make it _

_I just want to make you proud _

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you _

_I can't stand another fight _

_And nothing's all right _

Ed couldn't believe _that man_! He refused to think of him as his dad. _Mustang _was more of a dad to him and Al than _that_ _man_ was! _That man_ had been gone for over ten years, then _that man_ just showed up and expected to be welcomed with open arms! Well, Ed wasn't going to do it. Everything _that man_ did caused a fight; Ed was sick of it, and it upset Al. He wasn't going to fight anymore. _That man_ wasn't worth it.

"Brother?"

"Yes Al."

"Why are you so disrespectful to dad? Couldn't you at least try and get along with him?"

"Al, I hate him and he hates me. I can never redeem myself in his eyes, but I don't care, because he can never redeem himself in mine either."

"But brother, just because you hate him doesn't mean I have to."

"I know Al, but I don't want him to hurt you like he hurt mom. The sooner he leaves the better for everyone."

_'Cuz we lost it all _

_Nothing lasts forever _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

_Now it's just too late and we can't go back _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said _

_Nothing's gonna make this right again _

_Please don't turn your back _

_I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you _

_But you don't understand _

How could _that man_ say those things! Pinako told him what happened; _that man_ had just casually asked if it was really mom they brought back! No emotion, like he was asking about the weather! Ed remembered hearing those words like it was yesterday. They thought he was asleep, and frankly he was glad. It meant he didn't have to see _that man_ off, because after he said those terrible things, he had left, turning his back on his family yet again. Leaving Ed, watching the retreating form of his father. As he had watched, Ed couldn't help but wonder…if his father had hung around, would his and Al's life be better?

…But he had to say those things! Now Ed didn't want anything to do with him. Ed couldn't believe how hard it was to talk to him! _That man_ just had a way of pushing his buttons! He told Ed he understood, but you know what? He would never understand.

**"Pinako, You disposed the results of their failed human transmutation right?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"Was it realy Trisha they made?"**

**"Didn't I tell you? It wasn't exactly human like. Trisha and that aren't totally…"**

**"No, not that. For example the color of the eyes, the voice, the color of the hair…"**

**"What are you talking about? That it wasn't Trisha? Are you saying that those kids were working on something totally unrelated to them and their current bodies were just their mistake?! Those are such terrible words!!"**

_'Cuz we lost it all _

_Nothing lasts forever _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

_Now it's just too late and we can't go back _

_I'm sorry _

_I can't be perfect _

oOo

The bold print was taken from Chapter 42: The Father Before the Grave 


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